A Harmless Comedy
by Selene7
Summary: Just what it says folks, a harmless comedy. Would like to point out though it may not make sense if you're not a member of the LotR Fanatics Plaza.


A Harmless Comedy  
  
It started out as a harmless trip to one of the many local pubs, but Thendel - Private Detective - soon learnt that leaving the comfort of her home was not a wise undertaking. For the average Gondorian the pub means a place to rest relax and catch up on all the latest gossip surrounding the more prominent members of the thriving city. It soon becomes obvious to travellers that reaching pubs in themselves is a feat. The bustling streets and alleys full of soldiers, merchants and peasants alike ensure only those with a stout heart, and a temper that won't land them in trouble with the city guard, make it into the sheltered pubs.  
  
It turned out this day happened to be market day. The one day of the week that always seemed to succeed in giving Thendel a headache which would put a Balrog to shame. It wasn't that she didn't like the things for sale; if she could she knew she'd spend all day just wandering around. It was the people, the noise, the heat and the overwhelming. proximity. of certain fellow Gondorians would be enough to make even the stoutest Ranger ill.  
  
Therefore any excitement she may have felt at seeing some of the prominent members of Gondor was diminished as she found herself cursing at every corner, rubbing knocked elbows at every smithy, and trying to get rid of her sneezes when walking past hen coups. Needless to say it was good she didn't happen across any city guards.  
  
When she finally did reach the pub, located at the very centre of the city at the end of a very long road and obviously a long way from Thendel's home, she was visibly downcast and without a crime to solve. After all what is a Private Detective without a crime? On second thoughts, maybe you should just forget I asked, and pay no heed to that suspicious character lurking over there. No don't; ignore him, that's the way. You've got it now. Say how would you like night duty down at the first circle gates next week? Shh, someone's coming; we'll discuss that later, yes? Now. back to the story.  
  
The local pub at the time was very non-descript and the land lord just as much so, it was only the location that gave it a boost in the lucrative pub chain currently in vogue. That still didn't draw in crowds of their usual numbers, when Thendel entered there was only three others in the pub. Elwing, the new - and first female - King of Gondor, Laielinwen, the new master healer of Gondor and Gwaihir, the new Princess of Ithilien. The presence of a certain purple horse was conspicuous and Thendel had a great deal of difficulty trying not to laugh.  
  
"Goodmorning dear Friends.!" Gwaihir cried suddenly before sculling a large iced peach tea. Wringing her hands her face darkened as she glared at the empty chair next to her. "..have been sweeping and cleaning the Castle all night.. flowers everywhere now.. Hope the King likes it.. Xavier fell asleep.. my poor hands." From her seat Laie said comfortingly "Hello Gwai...thirsty huh? Cleaning the castle all night doesn't sound like very much fun. Maybe you should get some helpers." A grin crept onto Laie's face as she thought about her own helpers currently amputating various body parts off a hapless citizen.  
  
Still not over her ordeal in the streets of Gondor, Thendel quickly backed herself into a corner well out of sight and squeaked, "Aww, poor thing! I'd offer to help but I'm busy doing... um... er... something. I'm sure I'll figure it out." When the others in the pub turned to look at the younger Ranger she had her nose buried in a book - "Legendary Crimes over the Ages for the Frustrated Detective, Compiled by Bilbo Gamgee" - next to her was a notebook that she was hurriedly scribbling in. Looking up she grinned "Research for a friend."  
  
Gwai nodded sagely before turning her attention to her empty glass and calling for the barman. A rotund gentleman refiled her glass grumpily, complaining about young women who take the work of others for granted, and ignored her when she demanded he come back. and fill it up more than half. "So you say dear," Returning to her previous conversation with Laielinwen she absently tapped her fingers on the bar "I had a helper but like I said a lazy one. Anyways all is ready now.. But please come and visit me sometimes.. Xavier makes the best pot roasts and Mr. Snotter is so sweet.."  
  
It was around that time, as Thendel decided it was safe to sit around doing nothing with out being 'volunteered', that Katarina entered the bar. Calling her hellos to the others she settled down to enjoy a quiet drink. Laie and Gwaihir were having an in-depth conversation about the purple horse standing around sullenly when another person entered. Without so-much as a 'Good Morning' the stranger made a beeline for one of the vacant tables and pulled back the rug underneath it to reveal a hidden trap-door. Her ill-used detective skills on high alert, Thendel turned her attention from the doodles on the table to watch. Before anyone there could cry 'Aragorn Elessar' the man had disappeared down the trapdoor. His bag however, caught on the latch and ripped open, spilling pipeweed onto the floor.  
  
Up and on her feet, Katarina scooped it up and pocketed it. "For later." She explained with a grin. "Plus, I've always liked free stuff." Her curiosity now aroused Thendel too jumped to her feet to investigate. The floor around the trapdoor was worn with frequent use and the hinges well oiled. Without a moments hesitation the young Ranger leaped easily down the hole and landed, causing a billow of dust to rise. After it had settled down she grimaced at the curses drifting towards her. With a sigh she headed down the passage; "Oh well, what've I got to lose?" She muttered darkly.  
  
She was still creeping cautiously along when a voice behind her whispered, "Hey Thendel! Where ya going?" Caught unawares, and silently cursing herself though glad the head of the Rangers wasn't there to see, Thendel started and spun around; staff held up defensively in front of her body. Releasing her breath, Thendel lowered the staff and smiled faintly at Katarina. "I'm going to see who that was, you're welcome to join me if you like." Without waiting for a reply the youngster continues on, trying to pinpoint the owners of the voices. Katarina quickly follows, apologising as they continue onwards.  
  
Very soon the pair reach a fork in the tunnels, stopping short Thendel leans against the wall to think. After a few minutes her eyes light up and a broad grin crosses her face, turning to Kat she points to the left tunnel and they continue on. Thendel mutters under her breath quietly "Because I'm left handed."  
  
Thendel hears King Elwing's voice coming from the behind them and hesitated. She didn't have to make a decision though, it seemed the stranger had heard her too. He appeared from a nearby doorway and glared at the two Rangers. Reacting quickly Thendel swung her staff ready to attack and was surprised when he suddenly threw the bag he held on the ground and backed away. "Ok, ok you can have it, just don't tell the Boss I took it alright?" Confused, Thendel watched as Katarina leant down and pulled the bag towards her, then swung it onto her back. Not wanting to get into any trouble Thendel pointed towards the room he had emerged out of with the end of her staff. "Fine, just get back in there." She ordered, before spinning on her heel and heading back to the pub.  
  
When she walked in she was surprised again at the sight of a menagerie of animals. King Elwing stood to one side wacking rats. "Er... where'd the rats come from?" Thendel asked, before kicking one of the offending creatures away. She stared in disbelief as a frog jumped towards them and onto Katarina's shoulder; she noted absently there was no purple horse anymore and Gwaihir was crying in a corner. --- It was a few nights later, when Thendel was wandering the upper circles of Minas Tirith that she noticed activity on one of the ramparts. Under the pale light of the moon she moved quickly through the shadows until she stood just below the steps leading up. Three figures were crowded so close together that she had difficulty making their forms out in the dim light. Wrinkling her nose at the strong smell of ale she stepped quickly behind a barrel as they started down the steps. The first two were of relatively small build, though taller than the average hobbit so that ruled that possibility out. The last was obviously male, and well-built as well. His hair caught the moonlight and shone grey, though his face was not wrinkled. Intrigued Thendel set off after them, walking two hurried steps to their one.  
  
It soon became obvious they were in a hurry, though not so much that they weren't prepared to shake off anyone following them. They showed no signs that they knew she was their, so heedless the young Ranger kept on. When they finally reached their destination Thendel found herself in the second circle, amongst a bustling night life. It seemed, to Thendel's weary mind, that every Gondorian was out in force that night. Each one of them determined to delay her from her course. Women dressed up in their finery rode horseback to the latest play held up in Merethrond. Waving mugs in the air, groups of men hurled abuse at each other as they steadily got drunk. The overwhelming heat made her vision swim and for a brief moment she found herself following two of the grey-haired man. When the trio stopped in front of a door and knocked, Thendel could hardly contain her relief and with a sigh she lent back against the wall and closed her eyes. Unaware of the two shadows approaching her from behind. --- If, by chance, you remember rightly... Thendel's tracking skills were a little rusty. The last we saw her she was in a tight situation - and didn't even know it. Whether or not than can be accredited to the large amount of Athelas vitamins currently being distributed is anyone's guess but the next thing she was aware of she was waking up in a room. She decided quickly that it was a cellar, it least it looked a lot like a cellar. 'Either that' She thought darkly 'Or the storage rooms up at the castle need pest control again so they've got everything in the dungeouns.'  
  
The 'cellar' theory seemed the most credible to her woozy mind so it was easier to go with that. It was around that time when she had decided, she heard voices outside her doorway. One of them sounded very familiar.... "You've done it then I take it? She's marked?"  
  
"Aye boss, we'll spot 'er a mile off now." "Good, keep out of her sight then. She's too nosey for her own good is our young Ehtyar" Unsure of what 'marked' could mean Thendel slipped back into oblivion... --- A foul smell drifted into her nostrils and hung so thickly in the air she could taste it on her tongue. She didn't know how long she'd lain there, or even where she was for that matter, but the first thought that come into her head was 'If I ever get my hands on the trainees who did this...If someone put them up to this heads are going to roll.' Pulling herself up onto her hands and knees she crawled along blindly until she reached dry ground again. "I don't 'want' to know where I've just been" She muttered under her breath as she pulled out the flask of water on her belt and drank deeply. A movement in the shadows caught her eye and dropping the container she gropped for the nearest thing - a rolled up poster.  
  
"Lot 'o good that'll do ye girl. Now let's 'ave a looks at yer shall we?" Out of the shadows stepped an old man, leaning heavily on his walking stick. In his free hand he carried a bucket of water which he promptly dumped on the Ranger's head. Leaning in close he sniffed her clothes. "Aye that worked a bit, though ye still a bit on the strong side if you catch my meaning, girl." Thendel started to sniff at her sleeve then stopped herself. Glaring at the old man she wrapped her cloak around herself tighter and started hunting for her staff. The old man coughed politely behind her and she spun around to see him holding it out too her. Grabbing it she held it tightly and mumbled a faint 'Thank you.' "Tsk, the manners of ye young lasses these days. Worse t'en me ole bull at 'omes you are and no mistake."  
  
Shaking her head in confusion, because as you can see it's the sort of situation where all you seem to be doing is turning around and around and getting yourself very dizzy, Thendel said Goodbye and started for the alley she could make out in the shadows. "Now, don't fergets to 'ave yer lovely 'ealer lady look at yer dragon me girl. Tis not a thing to be paradin' round in these streets it ain't." When she turned back to ask what he meant all that was left was a small circle burnt into the ground with a v shaped rune in the centre. "I'd better get cleaned up, the pubs reopen today." With that she threw the poster back onto the barrel and walked off, as it rolled it slowly opened... However, I will not be afraid to reinstate it if the rules are not followed 


End file.
